THE KINSEY SICKS: Sicks in the City

By David Ortmann
November, 2002

There is an old Parisian saying that, "Some of the most exquisite women in the world are...men." In the case of America's favorite dragapella beauty shop quartet, San Francisco's own Kinsey Sicks, one could also add the adjectives "witty," "talented" "intelligent," and "deplorably entertaining." These four girls are indeed boys; Rachel (Ben Schatz), Trampolina (Chris Dilley), Trixie (Maurice Kelly), and Winnie (Irwin Keller) - boys with not only advanced degrees in law and business, but also a remarkable penchant for towering wigs, glitter eyeshadow, and hilariously incisive songs delivered with brilliant harmony and humor.

With the release of their third CD, Sicks In The City, the girls have proven that they are here to stay. This year alone they have been nominated for the prestigious Drama Desk and Lortel Awards. The poster advertising their 2001 off Broadway show, Dragapella, adorned the set of Will & Grace earlier this year. QSF caught up with the group as they were closing their second sold-out summer in Provincetown and preparing for engagements in Montreal, Dallas, and Miami.

We had just listened to Sicks in the City for about the sixth time before sitting down with the girls for some serious dish. CD highlights include Trampolina's vocally unparalleled rendition of "Proud Mary's," complete with gospel and blues improvisations that would turn the head of Aretha herself, Rachel's "Nice Jewish Girls," a brilliantly arranged musical tribute to Jewish women from Heidi Fleiss to Barbra Streisand, Winnie's hilarious, but politically well-timed "Locked Out of the Chapel of Love," and Trixie's "Amour, Amor," which proves there is no one better qualified to sing of the highs and lows of international bed-hopping than she.

QSF: Ladies, what are your favorites on the new CD?

Winnie: It's hard to say, but the song I currently play over and over is "What You Never Told Me." The lyrics are unusual and thought provoking, and I think the arrangement is the richest we've ever created.

QSF: Trix, what about your favorite?

Trixie: I just adore "Can't Get You Out of My Head." Kylie is pure GENIUS when it comes to milking an insipid tune for all it's worth...oh, excuse me, you mean the new Kinsey Sicks CD, don't you? Lots of gems in there, I must say. I think our dear fans could really have some fun and spike the proverbial punch by playing "Crystal Time" at the next office Christmas party.

Rachel: The hidden track at the end of the CD! Oh, I shouldn't have mentioned that, should I? Oh, never mind. We don't have a hidden track. Why do you ask?

Trampy: Huh? What was the question? Oh yeah, sorry, I guess my favorite is "Sexy Underwear," because I get to sing about my underwear, and not be asked to leave the dinner table and go to my room.

QSF: You've just wrapped up your second sold-out summer in Provincetown. Your shows in Atlanta, Los Angeles and San Francisco this fall were huge hits. Winnie, how has all this traveling affected your well-known passion for organization?

Winnie: Why darling, you make me out to be some sort of compulsive-obsessive. I know people usually say that phrase the other way around, but its lack of proper alphabeticity unnerves me. Anyway, traveling is easy if you follow some simple rules: (1) close your makeup tight; (2) stow small things inside larger things; (3) always fold blouses around tissue paper. People also wonder how best to do their hair for extended plane travel. My experience is that your locks will weather globetrotting best in a tightly curled "up do" - to be placed in a shopping bag and stowed in the overhead compartment.

QSF: Rachel, what's your favorite part of spending the summers in Provincetown?

Rachel: It's a great place to explore new and exciting STD's. I'm tired of the same old San Francisco STD's. I've done them all.

QSF: Charming. Trixie, I've read that some big-name designers are fighting over which of them will get to do your costumes. Who's your top pick?

Trixie: Coco Chanel, of course...but if she's not available, Playboy Chanel or History Chanel are fine too.

QSF: Rachel, who is one of your heroes and why?

Rachel: Without doubt, Carole Migden. She was a week ahead of me in charm school. It was a two-week program. In fact, she's the one who introduced me to the invaluable concept of using panties as an all-purpose storage module. I use them for small household appliances and in-between meal snacks. She, however, uses them only for redistricting maps and campaign contributions.

QSF: Trampy, what's it like for you, the youngest and newest member of the group?

Trampy: It's very exciting - the girls are so smart and they're teaching me all sorts of important stuff - like how to be quiet, clean a bathroom, and retrieve important documents from Rachel's panties.

QSF: Trixie, you're an international women of mystery. Tell us what do you like to do in your limited spare time?

Trixie: Shop, of course...for jewelry, shoes, husbands and other necessities.

QSF: Trampy. Um...Trampy? Are you there?

Trampy: Huh? Oh yes, I was just meditating.

QSF: What celebrity would you most like to meet on your travels?

Trampy: Winona Ryder. I feel bad for her - I mean, once I stole a pack of Big Red from Woolworth's, and I totally didn't get caught at all.

QSF: Trixie, the Kinsey Sicks future seems to be about as bright as your new Lana Turner hairdo. What do you see ahead for the group?

Trixie: A Grammy or two, a concert with our muse Bette Midler, and then a well-deserved mental breakdown in Mexico City. Hey, if Britney can do it, so can we!

Rachel: We're having a lot of exciting discussions about working on television. Not only would this lead to more money and renown, but also it would mean I'd be able to sit on famous people instead of the shmucks I grab from our current audiences.

Winnie: As for me, the touring and TV possibilities are all pretty dizzying. So at the moment I'm resting from our San Francisco shows. There's really nothing like the fun of performing for people who have followed you for years - restraining orders be damned!

Trampy: Well, as the holidays are coming up, I see many people giving Sicks in the City and our other CDs as holiday gifts. I mean, what better way to celebrate Boxing Day than with a Kinsey Sicks CD? Right?

To find when the girls will be performing in a city near you, visit them on their website www.kinseysicks.com